


Closure

by Anonymous033



Series: Arospec Hayes [7]
Category: Conviction (TV 2016)
Genre: Aromantic, Arospec Hayes, Gen, Internalized Arophobia, arophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 04:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8954197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous033/pseuds/Anonymous033
Summary: She tells him, “I’m aromantic.”The TV murmurs on as Jackson stares blankly at her. It sounds like it’s playing a soap opera. “What does that mean?” he asks.





	

“Brother Dearest, I need to talk to you,” Hayes chirps, padding out of her bedroom and into the living room. Her brother looks over his shoulder—away from whatever programme he’s watching on TV—and pats the seat next to him; she flops down on the couch and twists the hem of her pyjamas in between her fingers.

“What’s up?” Jackson asks. Hayes feels her heart force its way into her throat.

“Before I tell you, you gotta promise not to judge me.”

“Hayes, I never judge you.” At her raised eyebrows, Jackson amends, “Much. Depends on what you have done, really.”

“Okay.” _Might as well bite the bullet._ She tells him, “I’m aromantic.”

The TV murmurs on as Jackson stares blankly at her. It sounds like it’s playing a soap opera. “What does that mean?” he asks.

“It means I don’t experience romantic attraction.”

“As in—”

“As in crushes; falling in love; the whole nine yards.”

Jackson frowns. “That doesn’t make sense.”

Hayes stiffens. “Why not?”

Jackson doesn’t reply, but Hayes thinks she sees his lips mouth the words _Conner_ and _Tasha_ as he goes over what she’s saying.

She rolls her eyes. “If you’re running my dating history through your mind right now, you should know ‘because I liked them in a romantic way’ was not one of the reasons why I dated.”

Jackson freezes with a guilty look on his face.

“Come on,” she prompts. “You’ve had to clean up at least four of my messier, more public break-ups, and you never saw this coming?”

Jackson’s frown deepens. “Is this belated guilt? Because I forgive you, if that’s the case.”

Hayes groans. “Jacks, that’s the most narcissistic response you could’ve given me.”

But her brother still doesn’t understand, she can tell, and so Hayes is forced to elaborate. “I’ve just never really had crushes. You know? Like, all the kids in school would talk about who they liked, and I just … never got it. It never happened to me. Back then, I kinda figured maybe it would kick in later; god knows I was dealing with enough with Mom and Dad. But ‘later’ never came—not in college; not in law school; not now. I like people in my own way. I get attached to them. I find them sexually attractive. But romantic attraction has always just evaded me.”

“Are you sure it’s not because you haven’t met the right person?” her brother asks, and Hayes bites back her irritation.

“Yes, Jackson, I’m sure.”

“I mean, the people we’re around—”

“ _Jackson!_ ”

“I’m sorry! I’m just trying to help.”

“Well, don’t try to help this way, okay?” Hayes pinches the bridge of her nose. “I don’t need your _help._ I need your support.”

There’s a long pause during which Hayes doesn’t look at her brother; she’s afraid of what she might find.

What if he refuses to accept her identity?

“This has been on your mind for a long time,” Jackson finally states.

“Yeah. Pretty much since the day I had to lie to everyone that I had a crush on Anita so they’d shut up and stop asking me who I liked.”

“Hayes, you never told me.”

Hayes laughs wryly. “I didn’t know how to tell you. You’re the most romantic person I know. When you were sixteen and you thought the boy you liked liked you back, you sang ‘A Whole New World’ in the shower for a month. You weren’t even dating. And you still do that!”

“I like doing that,” Jackson protests.

“I know you do. And I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t; it’s just that I couldn’t relate—I could never relate—and all these little incidences made it so much harder for me to tell you. And I mean, I didn’t want to cop up to being a heartless bitch. … Okay, I know I have a reputation for being a bitch, but at least I worked for _that_ reputation. Not being romantically interested in people wasn’t a choice that I made. It’s just something that I am.”

“Oh, Hayes,” Jackson murmurs sympathetically.

Hayes waves a dismissive hand. “I’m not telling you this for some _Poor Hayes; she will never know Real Love_ pity party. I’m telling you this because it’s who I am, it influences my choices, and you deserve the truth after all the damage control you’ve had to do in my wake. I don’t want you to have to be someone I lie to every time you ask me about my romantic life, so please, can you just accept what I’m saying?”

“Okay,” Jackson says. “Okay, I hear you.”

Hayes breathes out in relief. “Thank you.”

“You know I don’t pity you, right?”

Hayes looks away. “To be honest, you always gave me the impression you wished I was better at dating.”

“I wanted you to be happy.”

“I know, and I appreciate the good intentions. But—I was unhappier trying to force something I didn’t experience than I was not experiencing it at all.”

“I’m … sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Hayes assures him. “It’s just sad that I grew up not knowing how I feel—or do not feel, in this case—was okay.”

“It’s always okay,” Jackson promises, pulling her into a one-armed hug.

“That’s the part that sucks the most,” Hayes continues. “But honestly? I’m not sad about not falling in love. It’d be like—I don’t know; missing a flavour of ice-cream that doesn’t exist in my world.”

“I see what you mean,” Jackson acknowledges.

Hayes tilts her head back awkwardly to give him a small, grateful smile. And then, she nudges her elbow gently into his side. “What are you watching?”

Jackson takes her signal to change the topic for what it is, and looks back at the TV. “ _Days of Our Lives,_ ” he announces proudly. “Pre-recorded throughout the week. Join me?”

Hayes smiles at his enthusiasm and seats herself more comfortably. “Okay,” she says.

Ultimately, she does think she will be okay.

* * *

Crossposted to: [Tumblr](http://anonymous033.tumblr.com/post/154812853652/closure-a-hayes-jackson-one-shot-crossposted)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is the final part of the Arospec Hayes series. It's been fun, but I think I've run the course on her initial discovery. I may write more fics about Hayes' life as someone on the aromantic spectrum in the future, but they will be under a different theme.
> 
> I would like to note (probably obviously) that Hayes' experiences are by no means representative of everyone on the aromantic spectrum. Some arospecs come to terms with their identity more easily than she does, and some less easily or not at all, and that's fine. What aromanticism looks like in real life is dependent on a number of factors like age or gender or culture as well; as someone coming from a much more marriage- and purity-focused culture than I presume Hayes to come from, I struggle with issues that are different to the issues I presume she struggles with. Still, I hope if you are arospec, that you have found something relatable; if you are not, that you have found something enlightening or thought-provoking.
> 
> If there's anything you would like to talk about (headcanons! theories! questions!), I can be found on Tumblr as anonymous033.
> 
> Finally, thank you for reading and supporting this series!


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